


Stimulated

by Fedora Of Adorableness (TheTimelessChild0)



Category: White Collar
Genre: Desperation, Diapers, Drugged Neal, Embarrassment, Episode: s05e04 Controlling Interest, Protective Peter Burke, Side Effects, Urination, Wetting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28131426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/Fedora%20Of%20Adorableness
Summary: Mozzie is an idiot. Peter is paranoid. Neal is oblivious.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17
Collections: WC²





	1. Taking Notice

Neal raised his upper body from the couch and was immediately assaulted by an ache. Not in his back, not in his head; in his bladder. It was common knowledge, that every time you wake up, you have to pee. Unless you slept for less than 3 hours  _ and  _ went before bed. Neither of which was the case for Caffrey.

  
He tore off the blanket in a swift motion, rolling his eyes at his choice of attire. It was very much not proper morning _or_ daywear. His first thought was on getting back to the apartment to fetch his suit. His next thought was dedicated to running to the bathroom before his clothes became even more beastly in quality...

He approached the door, mentally groaning when he heard the sound of running water. Not exactly useful at this specific time. He bounced on his toes, waiting patiently for Peter.

He quickly found himself needing to cross his legs, leaning forward an inch or so. Neal knocked on the door addressing the Suit by name. 

Burke appeared, stepping out of his bedroom, tying his tie.

This meant, by rule of elimination, that El was inside.

“Hey,” he greeted his handler, both hands on his thighs, still wriggling.

“Morning,” Peter replied, knocking on the door.

“I’m just putting my makeup on, give me a second!” Elizabeth requested.

“Yeah, I’m sorry hon, but I’m not sure Neal can wait that long,” he informed her.

The events of the previous night hit her like a brick. 

“Oh, of course!” she gasped, exiting.

Caffrey was red in the face. 

“You were first,” he said to Peter.

“Go ahead Neal,” Burke assured him, opening the door all the way.

“Sorry, sorry Elizabeth” Neal vigorously apologised, slamming the door behind him.

“It’s fine,”

“Hey, it’s okay,” 

Both Burkes insisted at the same time.

If Mozzie had broken in at this time, he might have suspected Neal had arthritis.

* * *

As soon as the breakfast table had been cleared, Neal was running back up to the bathroom. Not entirely unusual, given the juice consumption and the fact they were driving back to Manhattan from Brooklyn right as people were heading to various jobs.

But, there was something about this exact action that gave Burke pause. Like an abstract sense that it shouldn’t have occurred. Like he was forgetting a pattern or something...

He forgot all about it as they got in the Taurus.

They were just off the bridge when Caffrey scoffed quietly. He had to go. Again. It wasn’t as much the timing as the location.

“Hey, could you pull over at a gas station or something?” he mentioned with a frown.

“What for?” Peter questioned. It was a valid inquiry. The most obvious answer was not on the list of probabilities.

“I need to use the bathroom,” Neal elaborated simply.

“Already?”

“Yeah,” the con man did not see the difference in circumstance.

“It hasn’t even been an hour since we left,” Peter stated.

  
“I know, doesn’t change the fact that I have to  _ go _ , Suit,” he quipped, not bothering to question his body’s wishes.

The agent nodded.

“Are you gonna stop?” Neal checked, fearful of the answer.

Peter relinquished his own concern in favour of stifling the other man’s apparent anxiety.

“Of course,” he assured.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Neal groaned at the slow rate at which the cars moved forward in the exit.

Burke was torn between worrying about the man’s obvious discomfort, and the oddity of it all.

“Sure you weren’t just imagining it?” he asked when the CI looked more serene.

“Okay, someone’s overestimating my creativity,” Caffrey remarked, eyebrow raised.

“Hey, I’m just saying; you had juice this morning, the stress of the case...” Peter presented.

“ _ What _ are you talking about?” Neal frowned even deeper than he already was.

The Suit sighed.

“Good. ‘Cause in case it wasn’t clear, something  _ is _ about to drip on these seats, but it won’t be juice,” Caffrey emphasised.

Peter waved to confirm his intention, which was to speed to the rest stop ahead, the minute he was able.

“Thank you,” Neal said awkwardly. The moment he slammed the door, Burke leaned back, looking down, feeling...bad.

He didn’t ever want to be the reason his CI, his  _ friend _ , felt self-conscious about anything. He’d already come a long way in his awareness of right and wrong. And with what had happened with James, the business with the coins could wait.

* * *

“Hey,” Neal introduced his presence dryly. On the plus side, he looked much more comfortable. Physically, that is.

“Look Neal, I’m sorry about what I said, I shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of it; I mean, you know your body better than I do, it’s yours- that’s none of  _ my _ business,” Peter rattled off. 

Caffrey did not look at him. 

“It’s whatever, let’s just drive, alright?” he rolled his eyes at his handler.

“I’m serious, there was nothing wrong with..” Burke started but was interrupted.

“I know...can we please drop it now?!” Neal complained, getting increasingly irritated.

“I’m worried about you. Are you okay?” Peter tried again.

The CI took a while to find an answer. He didn’t feel any symptoms that could be linked to the concoction Mozzie got him to chug last night. Or did he...

He looked at Peter. “Are we thinking the same thing right now?” he checked.

“ _Mozzie_ ,” they affirmed in unison.

“Appreciate the sentiment,” Neal acknowledged.

“Still valid,” the agent repeated the gesture.

They smiled at each other. And that was that.


	2. Doctor, No

With the hope of getting at least some work done before he needed to pee again, Neal sat down at his desk, stacked with case files. He was just perusing the first few pages when it struck again. He sighed and went off again.

When he came back there was a bottle of water. He wisely drank from it, restoring hydration. Thankfully, the frequency of urination did not change.

Nor did it abate. It was so often, he began to feel as if things poured right through him, like he was a sharply dressed hourglass.

Peter walked past Jones’ desk. Neal was in the bathroom. 

  
“Is Caffrey okay?” he asked Burke, noting “He’s been going to the bathroom  _ a lot _ ,”

“He tried to replicate the drugs given to him by Summers. Seems like they added too much of something,” The Suit explained.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The pair of FBI agents walked to the elevator, pet convict in heel like an obedient puppy.

Peter held his hand out to block.

“Oh no. You’re not going on this one, next one’s gonna take you to the doctor on call. I already looped him in on the situation. He’s  _ expecting you _ ,” Burke reminded Neal.

Caffrey backed off, then spun around to go to the bathroom one last time.

The doctor explained the physics behind his persistent pissing. Basically, the stimulant made his body even more annoyed than it would be already, at the various chemicals that he had ingested in excess; those being GHB, ketamine and flunitrazepam. All things taken in single pills, not syrup-ed into a cup. It sped up the process of  _ flushing  _ them out tenfold. His body wanted to do so instantaneously, but there’s only so much one can squeeze out of the kidneys in one go.

“Now, here’s where I’d ordinarily suggest a catheter,” he introduced.

Neal sighed silently...until he was told why it would’ve been necessary.

“But, you’re a busy man, and they’re tricky to install; let’s not take such drastic measures.  _ But _ that still leaves the question of how to flush it out that fast...hygienically,” the doctor continued.

“Are you saying what I  _ think _ you’re saying?” Caffrey asked warily.

“Yes. The only way to help this is not by hitting the pause button and waiting for it to congregate, that only brings infection or worse even, lasting retention. We can’t slow it down, but we can speed it up,”

“Which is where it turns impractical,” Neal noted.

“Yes. And that is why I am giving you these,” the man opened a drawer and pulled out a diaper.

The recipient’s eyes widened. He stared, and without missing a beat, suggested an external catheter.

“You really want 2 things strapped to your ankle? That one’s not sleek, in case you thought otherwise,” the doctor pointed out, stroking the soft material.

“Well, this thing in your hand’s not exactly invisible either...” Caffrey commented, looking around the room for distractions.

“It won’t be long, Neal. I’m gonna inform your handler right after you go one more time and take the necessary supplement for this operation,”

“Speak of the devil...seems pretty sped up already,” he quipped, receiving the directions and making extra sure to be totally empty  _ before _ putting on the padded replacement underwear.

_ At least I will be comfortable, _ Neal’s remaining confidence reasoned.

Neal took a few extra sips of water from the fountain outside the office, before stepping out.

The doctor closed his office door with a smile. 

  
“Guess  _ he’s _ about to have a very nice pee on the 21st floor,” he hummed to himself.


	3. Aaaaah

To his bladder’s credit, Caffrey was dry as a bone until he passed through the glass door. Just one or two steps from his desk,  _ however _ ; out it went. Neal closed his eyes and blushed. Here he was, in the middle of the office, thoroughly wetting himself. And no one was the wiser.

Jones spotted the con man looking forlorn and awkward, not moving. He approached, when a familiar hand belonging to the handler shooed him away.

“It’s  _ okay _ , Neal. Don’t worry about it, that’s what’s meant to happen, remember?” Peter soothed his CI. “Got it covered...literally. Spares on hand?” the Suit verified.

Neal nodded, patting the right side of his suit jacket

“Come on, let’s freshen you up,” Burke beckoned him to the door, and subsequently the bathroom, speaking warmly with one hand on the man’s back.

He sighed resigned, but followed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

After being reassured that his friend needed no assistance changing himself, the agent stood guard outside the restroom.

Inside, Neal opted for his preferred stall, and shuffled his pants down. He put the dirty diaper on top of the toilet to dispose of later. Then he strapped on the new one. The belt was tightened once more, again to a looser position to allow for discretion.

Peter continued to notice Neal’s knack for hiding things as he spotted several mannerisms clearly coinciding with the aforementioned ablutions.

He stood up to write something then disappeared in a flash. He would fiddle with his shoe, then bend down to tie it. For about two minutes.

Once, he would be talking to Neal when he’d raise his eyebrows and lean back.

“Are you...” he smirked.

Neal nodded.

“Feels good?”

Another nod. Caffrey closed his eyes in enjoyment.

Eventually, Neal managed to make to a urinal before it began; didn’t get himself loose in time but a win was a win to him.

* * *

They were in a meeting, when the feeling returned. A feeling that had been practically nonexistent recently. The feeling that he had to go.

Neal tapped his pen on the table. Peter responded with another single tap of his Quantico pen. Then he shot into action, with a vague excuse about needing to see Caffrey in private.

They rushed to the restroom.

“Clench, kid, clench,” he encouraged without thinking too hard of the nickname he just used. Neal was only thinking of one thing anyway and it wasn’t aliases.

“I’m not gonna make it!” Neal yelped.

“Yes, you are! Damnit Neal, of course you are!” Peter objected to the pessimism.

Burke assisted with the straps on the diaper, Neal aimed at the second urinal in the row...and not a drop was spilt elsewhere.

It was neither the most quiet  _ or _ loudest break the CI had been known for having, but the laugh was certainly a surprise. Nonetheless a welcome one.

The End.


End file.
